Geek Etiquette: Dating

The Geeky Hostess is gonna help you get your manners on! Each Monday, we’ll focus on a topic of etiquette. We’ll take a look at the classic rules (using Emily Post as a guide), and then evaluate the rules for our daily lives, creating a guide to “Geek Etiquette.” Have an etiquette question or topic suggestion? Email tara@geekyhostess.com!

I’ve been hearing a lot of friends and fellow geeks talk about dating lately. How do they find someone that shares their interests? Where do they go on a date?

I’ve consulted the smartest, funniest (and might I add, best looking?) people I know: Geeky Hostess readers. Check out their answers to some common geek dating questions, and see if their experiences can help you!

What qualities do you look for in a date/partner?
Although the qualities varied a bit person-to-person, common answers across the board were a sense of humor, honesty, and self-confidence.

Where do you go to look for date?
“Don’t go looking for dates, let them find you. If you do the things you genuinely like to do, you will find like-minded people there and it won’t be artificial and contrived.” –Jessica

“I find that persons of interest can be found anywhere you frequent. (Full disclosure: I met my lady in WoW; that’s where I spent all my time!) But it’s still good to get out of your comfort zone every once in a while and meet new people. You just have to be open, and someone will catch your interest.” –Thomas

Are your daily interests not yielding any returns on the date-front? Try online dating! Shannon has found some decent results at Match.com and POF, and Laura has had the best luck with OKCupid. Emily Post also endorses online dating, and has some tips to get you started!

I’ve spotted a cutie. How do I approach them? What do I say?
“Honest to god, Just. Say. Hi. Compliment my shirt (or shoes, or watch… just break the damn ice) So many people over think this and it’s completely unnecessary. Just say ‘Hi, I hadn’t introduced myself so I thought I’d come over and say hey. By the way I really like your Watch/Necklace/LackofAdamsApple. I’m Blahblahblah'” –Shannon

Any suggestions on great first-date spots?
The consensus seems to be to keep first dates simple. Find an activity that you both may be interested in, do it, and then grab food after to chat about it and get to know each other better. Laura suggests bowling. Dikla says “Beers and Star Trek. Or beers and a board game.” If you’re in the Seattle area, I’d suggest checking out the EMP Museum.

Need some advice on how to act on your date? Check out Emily Post’s “Dating 101“.

Any words of advice for geeks looking for love?
“Don’t feel like you need to be anyone other than who you are. Confidence, and self-awareness (not self-consciousness), is sexy.” –Jessica

“‘Never give up! Never surrender!’ Sorry; I watched Galaxy Quest the other night… But seriously: Don’t give up; keep looking. And don’t fall for the first person to like you back. There are plenty of people out there that you can be happy with.” –Thomas

“Be the best possible version of yourself. Don’t look for someone to love you in spite of your geeky quirks, but because of them. You (and everyone in the whole wide world) deserves someone that loves them for them. Take care of yourself, don’t expect anyone else to do it for you. And for the love of all that is holy, don’t unload all of your trust issues in your online dating profile. It’s not the place. I will assume your baggage isn’t carry-on size and bail faster than a disgruntled flight attendant w/access to a emergency chute.” –Shannon

Moral of the story? Be yourself, do the things you enjoy, and love will find its way in. I’ve found that many of my friends and I didn’t find love until we stopped trying so hard to look for it.

Do you have a great dating story or piece of advice? Share it in the comments!

4 Comments

  1. Online definitely works, but I learned it’s about the voice of their profile, and not the “likes board games, baseball and learning to cook” interest matches.

    I knew my bf was a good “match” on Match because his profile started off really ridiculous and sarcastic — just like mine.

  2. I asked a girl out today because of The Hunger Games books that you recommended to me :).

    I don’t know if you remember, but I told you a while back that I recommended them to a friend of mine. (I’ve met her about 3 months ago trough twitter, twitter actually recommended her to me because she’s a friend of a friend of mine 😀 ) 3 Days before valentines day She told me she just finished them and she said she hoped the movie will be just as good as the book. So I saw an opening and decided to ask her on valentines day if she would like to go to the movie with me, and for a drink afterwards… And she said Yes 😀

    Now I have to wait a month because the movie isn’t in theater here yet. But she’s worth the wait 🙂

    So I guess I owe you a thank you for recommending those books if this turns into something more than friendship 🙂

  3. Aww, that’s awesome! Good luck on the date, hopefully there’s more to come!

  4. Thanks, and I hope so too 🙂 I will let you know how it turns out 🙂

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