It’s that time of year again! Time to dress up like sexy versions of things while eating candy and watching scary movies? Or something like that? Anyway, it’s time for my annual round-up of the weirdest “sexy” versions of costumes from BuyCostumes.com! And it’s your job to vote for which costume you’d most like to see me in. I will wear the winning costume for a photo shoot and show off the results to you. Because I have no shame. You can see me in 2012’s winning costume here, and 2013’s winning costume here.
So, without further ado, the weirdest “sexy” Halloween costumes of 2014:
Your Favorite Characters
Ruining your childhood, once costume at a time.
Go ahead, say my name three times…
A plumber’s never looked so good! Just be prepared for a disappointing night of trick or treating–your candy’s always gonna be in a different castle.
“Christmas Story” Bunny
Nope. You should not take a little boy in an awkward bunny outfit and make it sexy. No no no. (Also, for the record, this is an officially licensed product.)
Well, this is a thing. A horrifying thing.
Ok, say what you want, but I think this outfit’s pretty hot. I just need to find some stormtroopers to follow me around.
From the Pages
Everyone knows reading is sexy.
Ok, so I won’t ever be able to be as sexy as a certain Sherlock everyone loves so much, but perhaps a dress and a capelet is a good start? Bonus: It includes the magnifying glass and pipe.
“All For You” Musketeer
I’m gonna do nothing but eat 3 Musketeers bars if I wear this costume. And look for the other missing 2 Musketeers. Also, is this someone’s fantasy? Their lady dressed up as a sexy musketeer? No judgements, just wondering.
These costumes belong in a heavy petting zoo.
Howling Adult Hottie Werewolf
I’m glad they clarified that this is an adult hottie werewolf. Wouldn’t want any hot teen wolves running around, now would we? Perk of this costume: you don’t have to shave your legs. Right? That’s how it works?
“Hey, you’re looking pretty good. How about we go back to my place? I’ve got a hot tub…I promise I won’t be shellfish…”
Insert every pun about bananas here.
Stinkin’ Cute Skunk
“Oh, don’t worry about that smell baby. “
You won’t find these hotties in any history books…
“Goin’ Clubbin” Cave Woman
You better hope this cave woman lived in a temperate climate, or else the only thing she’ll do in this outfit is freeze to death.
Egyptian Cat Goddess
Ahh, Ancient Egpyt. The only place/time that loved cats as much as the internet does. Be worshipped (or mistaken for Katy Perry) in this Egyptian Cat Goddess costume–it sure beats a keyboard cat costume, anyway.
Sexy Inanimate Objects
You’ll never look at these random objects the same way…
Can someone please explain to me what a “sexy touchdown” is? And why I’d want to dress up as a “touchdown” and not a football player, cheerleader, ref, or heck, even the football itself? And why does it say “Touchdown” on the field-dress?
“Maybe boys will notice me if I just turn into a cartoon mirage-style giant mug of beer!” “But honey, do you want to be noticed ONLY because you’ve turned into a cartoon mirage-style giant mug of beer?” “I guess not, Mom.”
Nope. Not touching the puns for this one. Nice of them to add a jaunty culturally appropriated hat.
“I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood you when you said to put on my best salsa dress. I’ll see myself out.”
“OH YEAH!” (I’d pair this with fishnets and sexily break down walls ALL THE TIME.)
Which one do you want to see me in? Leave a comment below! I’ll pick a winner based on what gets the most votes in the comments by 11:59pm PST on Thursday, October 9th.